My love affair with talent
by Lisa Ullmann
During a visit to San Francisco last year, I went to see my college friend Rob’s new opera. The opera was called Love/Hate, and played out the initial encounter, ensuing courtship and demise of a relationship. As I took a seat, a bright orange watch band on the arm rest next to me caught my attention. “Nice watch!” I said before looking up and noting the watch’s adorable owner. Watch Band accepted the compliment and pursued some conversation. His name was Jordan, and he also knew my friend Rob. He was a musician and also worked in wine. He sounded like the perfect San Francisco prototype to me.
During intermission, I told my new friend, “You work in wine, so you must recommend a place for me to have dinner.” I swear I had no ulterior motive; I just assumed his wine pedigree would outperform my YELP app. “I actually need to eat dinner too, so maybe we could go together?” Seconds later in the ladies room, I texted two girlfriends “I’ve been in San Francisco less than 2 hours, met a guy at Rob’s opera and now I have a date. It’s that easy outside of L.A.”
After a fun and fantastic dinner, Jordan walked me back to the theater where I had parked nearby. “You know what? I am pretty sure it’s on this street” I told Jordan about 10 minutes into our search for my car. 45 minutes later we were still looking, and still immensely enjoying each other’s company. My defenses were down from sangria, and I was getting tired. So I turned to Jordan and said “why don’t we take a break?” And then we kissed. And then we kissed some more.
I got a text from Jordan the next day. “There’s a great place in your hood, a piano bar, Martunis . . . meet me there later?” In the meantime, I did a Google search and noted his Berklee School of Music credentials. And found a song of his on YouTube. But I’m not the kind of girl who goes gaga over a musician. I listen to Howard Stern and CNN exclusively while driving, and I watch TV. Music is just not a large part of my media consumption these days.
Martunis, as it turns out, is a gay piano bar. A cute, straight musician takes me to a gay piano bar? I’m moving to San Francisco. We talked and drank, and in our booth that was not so discreetly hidden, made out.
The next morning, Jordan made me delicious coffee, awesome eggs with aged gouda, and handed me three of his CDs. I mentally rolled my eyes. As much as I liked him already, getting 3 CDs from a “singer songwriter” post-dalliance promises nothing but trouble. But I listened on my drive back to L.A. and was surprised. Actually, bowled over. His music was amazing. Not objectively, “this guy is legitimately talented” amazing, but the kind of Elliot Smith-Jon Brion music that gets into my head and under my skin. His songs were incredibly well produced, and his voice, and the lyrics . . . each song was a new and fantastic discovery.
And so started a confusing love affair, where my affection grew in proportion to my adoration of his talent. It’s not uncommon to flame the spark of romantic obsession by listening to songs that serve as your very own movie soundtrack. But now imagine that soundtrack is composed, and sung by the very object of your affection! The experience was surreal. And I was going down, fast.
After a few emails detailing my reactions to whatever specific song had become my new favorite, I admitted: “Your music is very dangerous. Please let me know if I am being overly . . . enthusiastic. I suppose the experience and musical aftermath hit a vulnerability vein in me, which was unexpected.”
To which he responded: “I like it.”
I fall in love with talent all the time. Unabashedly. And in my work, purposefully. It is the reason I got into this business, and the reason I remain excited about it. Whenever I hear an executive or friend tell me that they just “fell into” the biz, or that they stumbled upon it after law school, I grow irate. It’s not that I think they are undeserving of success, but when your heart and soul is shaped and molded by the arts at a tender age, you feel entitled to getting first dibs.
I wanted more than anything to place and promote Jordan’s music. But being somewhat new to this part of the biz, I didn’t have the vocabulary to properly position him. So I spoke with his producer, Josh Fix, an uber talent and singer songwriter in his own right. I started listening to music in the car with newborn ears. I was learning so much and it was exciting and fun! But I was also careful to make sure Jordan understood this was not a play to get him to need me (which I have been guilty of in the past). To drive the point home, I told him with all honesty “Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I think I like your music more than you.”
Photo by Liz Siliato
I went back to San Francisco to see Jordan again, but this time I knew what he was made of. One morning he pulled a stool to the edge of his bed, and grabbed his guitar. He played one of my favorites (Untitled #24), while I sat in his bed feeling both honored and very small. Jordan sings and plays with such grandeur and conviction, it felt as if I was privy to something raw and very private. It was like nothing I had ever experienced before and one of the most intimate moments of recent memory.
Jordan’s songs are inherently romantic, but he was less accessible to me on a personal level. Sure, he might not have been willing to go deeper with me specifically. But I was also curious if it was a symptom. If you’re an artist with a vessel to feed, can it render you an empty shell? Is it worth differentiating either way?
Sometimes people will say to our lot “You went after your dream, how brave, what strength it must have taken, what courage!” But for many of us, it was never really even a choice.
Kind of like falling in love.
Jordan Carp is performing April 1 in SAN FRANCISCO
Please check out his MUSIC and SITE
Also check out the brilliant JOSH FIX
About Lisa Ullmann
Lisa Ullmann is an independent producer working in television and film. She is the Executive Producer of The Ricky Gervais Show, which ran on HBO for three seasons. Lisa lives in Echo Park and enjoys eccentric people, places and things. If you follow her, maybe she will tweet: @lisaullmann.