Alfred Hitchcock

Happy Birthday Alfred Hitchcock

by Stella Braintree

Hip-hip-hooray – It’s Alfred’s lucky day!!! (Well, not exactly, but if he were present, we’d be so much luckier ’cause he was a cinematic genius, witty, super inspiring.)

Anyway, Happy B-day to iconic director, Alfred Hitchcock, who gave us thrills and suspense like no one else. He not only scared the pants off audiences, he mixed in humor, making his films yet more awesome. Well, Hitch (what I call him in fantasy-life) would’ve been 115 today. And, while he can’t partake in the merriment, I’d like to imagine a bash in his honor…

First a guest list:

Here’s an opportunity to invite my kookiest, most Psycho (those typically shunned from soirees) friends for a wild and cray-cray night. Hmmm, there’s The Man Who Knew Too Much — works in accounting and tried to Sabotage my job. (I Confess I nabbed a few pens from the supply closet, but really… You gonna Blackmail me over that, creep? Guess if I wanna see next week’s paycheck, the Saboteur gets an invite.) Marnie, the skittish blonde barista who gives me freebies? Yup, her too.

Let’s see, The Wrong Man I tried to set up with my friend’s little sister? Dude left her mid-date To Catch a Thief down the street and never returned. Then again, The Girl Was Young and looked like jailbait. Maybe he’d hit it off with Rebecca down the hall, the Notorious nude-walker with a Torn Curtain in her Rear Window. She’s such an attention whore, but I can’t afford to replace that borrowed sweater I stained when I toppled down The 39 Steps after too many jello shots… Okay, she’s on the list.

What about Mr. & Mrs. Smith?

Just between us, I have a Suspicion Mister S — who I believe used to be a Secret Agent — offed his second bride, as The Lady Vanishes two weeks after their wedding, and I’m like, “Hey, Mister S, where’s your better half?” and he mentions they were on a cruise traveling North by Northwest when she fell out of a Lifeboat. Smugly said it happened just East of Shanghai but come on… Wasn’t his first wife Mary found hanging from a Rope in some Jamaica Inn? Um, okay, could’ve been accidental, but was more likely Dial M for Murder —  Yes, Murder! Wonder when number three gets her Bon Voyage?

I’d invite Harry MacGuffin (the yummy Foreign Correspondent, who frequents my laundromat), but The Trouble with Harry is I feel Spellbound when I look into his Topaz colored eyes. Get butterflies in my tummy like a bad case of Stage Fright and then I’m all tongue-tied. No, save him for the next shindig.

All right, what’s the theme? Theme… Theme.

The Birds – Yes! A canary yellow tablecloth would be perfect, the cake should be robin’s egg blue, I could serve Grey Goose and Champagne. Later, everyone can dance to A Flock of Seagulls and Counting Crows ‘til Vertigo takes over and they pass out.

So, then what? Charades? Truth or Dare? I know, The Skin Game! Followed by spin the bottle. That’ll work the crowd into a Frenzy! Yowza! This party’s a definite go — I can’t wait!

(And I haven’t a Shadow of a Doubt Mr. Hitchcock will sneak into the shot.)

Hitchcock movies

Stella Braintree

About Stella Braintree

Stella Braintree is a screenwriter, performance artist and dreamer.

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