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Will he know what this is regarding?

by Julia Chasman

A Radio Play in One Act

RING, RING.

ASSISTANT

Little Pisher Agent’s Office. Please hold.

HOLD MUSIC PLAYS

ASST

Yes, who are you holding for?

JC

Hello, this is Julia Chasman calling for Little Pisher. Is he available?

ASST

I’m sorry, what was your name again?

JC

Of course . . . it’s JU-LIA CHASMAN.

SUSPICIOUS SILENCE.

JC

I’m a producer.

ASST

Could you please hold for a moment?

A BEAT. MORE MUSIC WHICH ENDS ABRUPTLY.

ASST

I’m sorry, I don’t have him now. Can I have him return?

JC (concerned)

You don’t have him? Who has him?

ASST

I just put him on another call, we’ve been rolling from his car, and he has a meeting waiting.

JC

OK, would you please leave word that I called?

A POINTED SILENCE.

ASST (probing delicately)

I’m sorry but . . . will he know what this is regarding?

A BEAT.

JC

I don’t know. Is he psychic?

ASST

I’m sorry, I’m not sure what you’re saying?

JC

Are you sure you don’t really have him? Maybe you’re holding him hostage, and I’m concerned about that.

ASST

I’ll have him after his meeting, but he’s running out the door, so I really don’t know when he’ll be able to get back to you . . .

JC

Just tell him I called.

ASST

Would you mind just telling me what this is regarding? I’ve been on this desk for over a year, and I’ve never heard of you . . .

JC

I would mind actually, but it’s regarding a project I’m producing called Edgardo Mortara.

ASST (huh?)

Reguardo Patato? What?

JC

Just tell him, he’ll know. I think Little Pisher probably is psychic . . . that may be why you don’t have him anymore . . . he’s rolling calls in his car with a girl from another desk.

ASST (harried)

Please hold . . . these phones are going crazy.

A LONG BEAT WITH THE SAME SONG AGAIN.

ASST

What’s the best number to reach you at, Julie?

JC

The best number would be my number . . . my phone number, which is (213) 777-7777.

ASST

I’ll tell him you called Miss Cashman. I have to warn you his phone sheet is like four pages long . . .

JC

Are you sure you don’t have him? Under that desk you’ve been on for over a year? Have you checked there?

ASST

I’ll tell him you called Julie. Thanks for reaching out!

THE END

Julia Chasman

About Julia Chasman

Julia Chasman is a veteran film producer, with more than a dozen features to her credit. A resident of Downtown LA's Arts District, she heads her own production company, RubberTreePlant, and travels as much as she can to her other two hometowns -- New York City, and London, England, where she went to high school. A graduate of UCLA's Film of Theater, Film and TV, she's a secret cinema studies nerd, and hopes to complete a masters in Italian one day. Julia is a member of AMPAS, BAFTA, the PGA, and Film Independent. Her favorite film is THE APARTMENT by Billy Wilder. Her proudest accomplishments are her two daughters -- singer/songwriter Johanna Samuels, and Becky Samuels, a junior at Bard College. IMDB

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