PARENTHOOD TALES

spider

I don’t want to die

“I don’t want to die.” Moments ago, I said those words aloud to my five year old daughters.  I know what you’re thinking, way to go, Barry.  Solid work trying to traumatize your girls. But I did say it.  Vigorously.  […]

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Zero Dark Sugar

Years ago, I sat at a business meeting with a mother who explained that when she took her child to other two year-olds’ birthday parties she would often try to find a creative way to exit in that moment after […]

colored-pencils

A star is born

“You should get them agents.” “She should be in front of a camera.” My husband and I have heard that about our children for years, but we have never bitten. In fact, we have carefully avoided trying to encourage any […]

oscars

Oscar, baby

This article was reprinted from the Los Angeles Times.  A rush-hour race to a fertility clinic almost ends in disaster. You don’t appreciate how easily sperm travels through a vagina until you try to drive it across Los Angeles during […]

babyfeet

I dream of (a diaper) genie

I should be a shittier father.  This is not to say that I’m a good one, by the way.  Frankly, there are days when our kids wouldn’t suggest I’m even close to adequate.  I’m a workaholic.  I can be a […]

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